There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
