So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she woke up with a sticky ear
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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