So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize