I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
