She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i was born a porn star she said
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
