i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
