OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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