my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
