God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I love having hate sex.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize