I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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