I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
