margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
