I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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