If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
