I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Terrible idea I love it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
