He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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