Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
