you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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