Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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