Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
