His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
