Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
