Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
