Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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