I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
