He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
not ubering you a puppy
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
