I think i peed on brittanys purse
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i dont even know how to be here
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
