im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
