FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
