I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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