Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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