spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
