69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
