So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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