The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
