Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
