I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
