There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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