I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
