I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
