Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
