What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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