yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
