Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
no you cant smoke seaweed
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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