Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I want to have your abortion
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
