um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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