dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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