perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
