Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the day after is always just damage control
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
