I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
