Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
