I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
