nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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