and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
