I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
