Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
