From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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