i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
