Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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