I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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