i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
