2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
