bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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