ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
