All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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