worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
