do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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